The Miracle Of Marriage


The wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands the foolish one tears hers down.


Every spouse has the power to make or break your dignity, confidence and sense of self worth.

~Timothy Keller

Ladies, you must bear in mind that Solomon had a bias toward women. If you have read the Proverbs, you know he put the blame on women but “What’s good for the goose is good for the gander.” Paul made it clear in Ephesians five that we men are just as responsible as the women; perhaps more so. We are to love our wives as Christ loved the church: selflessly, sacrificially and sanctifyingly. Solomon also said in Proverbs 12:4, A worthy wife is her husband’s joy and crown; the other kind corrodes his strength and tears down everything he does. We have all been conditioned and the foundation for this was set during our childhood. Our self-image was formed by a compilation of verdicts passed on us by various people. Of course, mother and father are big players and so are siblings but grandparents, teachers, pastors, neighbors, etc. also played a role in forming our self-mage. If you were called ‘stupid’ often enough by enough people, you might have grown up feeling stupid.

Now for the good news: the miracle of marriage. I know you have heard it said of young men who are immature and perhaps irresponsible…“What he needs is a good woman.” This is because a spouse has the power to reprogram a person’s self-image and bring healing to the emotional scarring of the past. Wow, that is an incredible power.

Now for some self-examination. Do you build up your spouse or tear them down? Perhaps you are thinking, “It my job to keep him/her humble.” Where in scripture are we commanded to do such? According to James Dobson the females number one need is security and the male top priority is praise. Guys have you told your wife you love her and you are going to take care of her no matter what? Ladies have you praised your husband about anything, appearance, kindness to others, sense of humor, etc? Do not berate each other. Do not say hurtful things–they will never be forgotten. Your job is to make your spouse better. Jesus is the ultimate spouse: He will love us to perfection.

I don’t know how many men remember the PROMISE KEEPER’S movement. I think you would have to be 45 or better to remember. It was a men’s movement founded by Bill McCartney, then the coach of the Colorado Buffaloes. It was a big deal in the early 90’s. They filled huge stadiums with men and featured key note speakers. The first time I heard Franklin Graham was at a PK rally in Legion Field. I heard a black preacher say something that really irritated me…He said, “Don’t be complaining about your wife, she is what you made her.” Although I don’t think men are totally responsible for what their wives become, I do think we have a huge influence. It is hard to answer that question: What would my wife have become had I loved her like Christ loved the church? It is a soul searching question.

Don’t watch this unless you have eaten your breakfast…it will make you sick…

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