Self-Loathing

Scripture

“You will remember your evil ways and your deeds that were not good, and you will loathe yourselves for your iniquities and detestable practices.┬áIt is not for your sake that I will act …Be ashamed and humiliated because of your ways, house of Israel!”

~Ezekiel 36:31-31, CSB

Quote

Guilt is the feeling that you’ve done something wrong; shame is the feeling of being something wrong.

~Image Quotes

The word of God comforts me like nothing else but it also convicts me. I meditate during the night when I am awake and last night I awoke thinking about some of the stupid and despicable things I’ve done. I’ve made a lot of bad choices in my life and with those comes regrets. There are a lot of things I would like to forget and can’t. Why is it that I forget what I want to remember and remember what I want to forget? Then I go to my study and turn to Ezekiel 36. I’ve read it before but this morning it was new and fresh. Ezekiel is speaking to the Israelites who were suffering from bad choices but Ezekiel gives them some wonderful promises about the future. He said the LORD is going to give you a new heart. He is going to put His Spirit in you. He is going to make you aware of your sins and you are going to loathe yourselves. You are going to feel your guilt and shame.

I’m in one accord with John Newton in that I know two things: one, I am a great sinner and two, Jesus is a great Savior. I’m not about to confess my sin or brag about the stupid things I have done but I will say this: if not for His grace, you would not be reading this blog. Things are happening in my life and I know it is God at work. One is the sense of my own sin and failure. Just as ice collects on the wings of jet, it seems like my guilt and shame have collected to the point that I feel this humiliation and self-loathing that Ezekiel talks about. Something strange is happening in my prayer life, I am praying for liberals and people who despise me and I’m not asking God to judge them or judge anyone; I am praying for God to bless them. I’ve done this before as a discipline but this is different; I am feeling genuine love and compassion for liberals. Next thing you know, I will be having compassion on Yankees. I’m kidding, I don’t loathe Yankees nearly as much as I loathe myself. Don’t get worried about my self-esteem, I have plenty: this is a spiritual thing that needs to happen. To be honest with you, it is refreshing in a way. On the other hand, I wish I had fewer regrets.

  • Got sucked in to a daughter-do-it day. I did something I loathe, hauled furniture all over Morgan County. It was a beautiful day and I got stuck hauling couches. You would thing the folks who create this stuff would design it to go through doors since most dens and living rooms are inside the house. If you have furniture to move, don’t call me, call Shumake’s. They need the business, I don’t.
  • Sorry to give you bad info but Rays transfer to Summerford has been delayed until Monday.
  • Friday night picks: I’m going to take Alabama over Tennessee, Auburn over Ole Miss, State over LSU in a close one, and Kentucky over Vandy. Auburn and Georgia let me down last week. The Ole Miss/Auburn game may be very competitive but I give the edge to Auburn because of their defense. Sooner or later, Tua has to have a bad day. Some say it was last week: if so, I’ll take it. I think everything will be settled by November 10th, especially in the West.
  • Since it is Friday and I have to get up early in the morning; I’m going to do an early post. Have a great weekend and enjoy one of the few Saturdays we have left for College Football. Fall is streaking by; I knew it would.

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