Scripture
You scrutinize my path and my lying down, And are intimately acquainted with all my ways.
~Psalm 139:3, NASB
Quote
Your strength lies in your intimacy with Christ.
~Anonymous
The Hebrew word for ‘scrutinize’ is zä·rä,’ a term that refers to winnowing grain. To separate the grain from the chaff, they spread the grain on a thrashing floor. Then they created wind by using fans and it would blow the chaff away. It was a tedious process that took a lot of time and effort. It amazes me that God would make such an effort to know us that He would sacrifice His own Son. When you read Psalm 139, note how many times the word know { yada`} is used: you will find it five times [v. 1, 2, 4, 14, 23]. Four of the five have reference to what God knows about us.
- He knows me inside and out [v.1]
- He knows when I lay down and when I get up [v.2]
- He knows what I am going to say before I say it [v.4]
- He knows our hearts and our anxious thoughts [v.23]
This passage has had a dramatic impact on my life. I grew up with some insecurities as did most of us but I decided mid way through college that my goal should be to please Jesus and not others. The fear of being different is overwhelming but I began attacking my insecurities and the work continues to this day. Insecurities are fears that become barriers. Deep down, most of us want to be known but we are afraid to expose our true self. We all have acting skills and practically every human is good at pretending. We put up this fake exterior façade in order to deceive others and to keep them out. What a way to waste a life! It is an irrational fear. It does not make sense to hide your true self from those who love you most but sin will do that–it creates such insecurity that the first thing we want to do is hide or to cover. This is exactly what Adam and Eve did: they tried to hide from God and then they tried to cover their shame with fig leaves.
Deeply insecure people live with the constant fear of being known. Things that do not bother most folks torment them. I cannot pinpoint the exact time the truth of Psalm 139 penetrated by mind and heart but I can tell you this: it relieved a lot of anxiety. The love of Christ cannot be earned. You do not have to be a lovely or lovable person for Jesus to love you. He loved Paul when he was a mean little man dragging women out of prayer meetings by the nap of the hair. Jesus does not love you because you are lovable: He loved you because He is Jesus. Actually, there is nothing you can do to change His love. As Junior says, “Jesus loves you and there is nothing you can do about it.” If you are entertaining any thought of Him loving you for a particular merit, get rid of it, it will only produce pride. He loves you because He chose to love you.
Bottom Line: There is a person, a perfect person, a loving person who knows all about you and He understands what makes you tick. He wants to be your best friend. Explain to me, how it is not insane to say no to this relationship. Listen, He wants to talk with you daily. He invites you to share all your problems with Him. His credentials are impeccable, His love has already been demonstrated and He never breaks a confidence. Plus, He never sends us a bill. You can’t find a professional that will listen to you for free. Trust me, if such a thing existed, I would be all over it but it doesn’t happen. So if you are like me and you can’t afford professional counseling, just talk to Jesus. I am telling you folks, I hide very little from the general public but I make no attempt to hide anything from Jesus. It edifies and consoles me to know that Jesus knows me better than I know myself and He still loves me.
It is sad to me that most deeply insecure people never change. They build such a wall around their heart that it becomes a prison from which they never escape. They live by deceit and they are good at it. They are afraid of the truth, they have difficulty with enduring relationships and intimacy is impossible. They have no understanding of grace. They are convinced that everything must be earned. This makes it hard for them to be grateful and makes them very critical of others. They have their own little measuring stick by which they judge others and it makes it very difficult to win their approval or get their praise. The saddest thing of all it that there is no reason for any human to live this way. Jesus is the solution if they would only trust HIM. He could set them free! They have a get out of jail card and will not use it. I guess some folks prefer to be a victim rather than a victor.